


The weirdest fic I've ever written.

by Mystrothedefender



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Centaurs, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 04:02:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1884579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystrothedefender/pseuds/Mystrothedefender
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yep, this is he weirdest fic I've ever written.<br/>I got an awesome mental image of someone trying to have sex with a centaur and the centaur starting to laugh and being like ‘this is not working’. (which led to the mental image of aph england as a Shetland pony centaur which would be adorable omf) So this is what came from came from that idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The weirdest fic I've ever written.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not proud to admit that I wrote this.

For years there had been rumours of strange animals in the forest near Wayne manor, at first people had thought they were of Ivy's creation. Bruce had searched the forest and said he'd found nothing, but to someone who knew him as well as Dick did, it was obvious he were lying, so he, despite Bruce's objections, had decided to look for himself.

No one in their right mind would have guessed there were centaurs living there.

Dick hadn't believed his eyes when he'd seen them, he'd hidden in the bushes and watched them grazing, utterly bemused by their existence.

He'd sat there for hours watching them, trying to figure out how they were possible.

Was he on drugs? Someone must have drugged him and he was hallucinating, this simply wasn't possible.

He returned the next day, and the next, watching them. He was surprised they hadn't noticed him, he assumed they hadn't, they hadn't approached him or run away.

On his fourth time observing the, uh, herd, he crouched behind the same bush he had during his previous visits, this time he'd brought a camera. The initial shock had warn off and he'd come to the conclusion that he had to research this.

He focused in on one of the animals, steadying his hand. He stilled as he heard a noise behind him, turning quickly to see one of the four animals staring him down.

"Would you mind not taking creep-shots of my dad?" the centaur said, his arms crossed, glaring down at Dick, "I've put up with you spying on us but I'm not letting you take photos." The horse kicked out, knocking the camera from Dick's hand and knocking it to the floor.

Dick jolted, and scrambled backwards, his eyes wide in shock, "Y-You're-You" he began to stutter, "You can talk? You knew I was here?!"

The animal nodded, "Yeah dude, I'm not an idiot..." he scuffed his hooves on the floor, "What are you doing here? The other guy said he'd stop people coming in."

Dick frowned softly; did he mean Bruce? That must be why he had suggested making this place a conservation area.

"Uh, I-I'm his son, Dick Grayson," he shook his head, "I'm not gunna hurt you or anything, I just wanted to know what Bruce had seen here."

"I'm Alfred," the centaur smirked, holding out his hand for Dick to shake, "Nice to meet you."

Dick stared at his hand, slowly clasping it with his own and shaking it, he forced a smile, "Same name as my uh, my dad's butler."

Alfred raised an eyebrow, "Oh... then call me Al." He retracted his hand and smiled at him, "So are you going to leave now or what?"

Dick shook his head, "...Unless you want me to. I mean... this is amazing, I didn't even know centaurs were real."

Alfred scoffed and shook his head and turned away, "Whatever dude, you're not the first human I've seen," he waved his hands dismissively, "Do what you want, just no photos."

Dick watched in disbelief as the animal walked away, he wasn't sure if he should think of it as an animal anymore, it... he was intelligent, he should get to know him, right? See what he could find out.

"Wait," Dick said softly, getting to his feet, "I want to talk to you."

Alfred looked back at him, smirking slightly, "Before you ask, no, you cannot ride on my back." He waved him over, "Come on, we'll find somewhere quiet, my dad'll flip if he sees me talking to a human."

\--

Dick lay back on the grass, his hands behind his head, it'd been two weeks since he and Alfred had met, in that time he'd become entranced with him and the forest he lived in.

The centaur lay next to him, playfully brushing him with his tail. Dick outstretched a hand to rub his pale fur, exhaling softly, "I love it here," he stated, "It's always so quiet."

Alfred scoffed, "Wait until the spring, won't be so quiet then."

Dick frowned in confusion, his head cocking slightly, "What do you mean?"

"Mating season," Alfred said with a sly smile, "My first one."

Dick's frown softened, "You're kidding... I didn't know you were that young."

Alfred shook his head, "I'm not but my dad says I'm not mature enough to foal yet, I've 'got the wrong temperament' or some shit, but he seems to have changed his tone lately."

Alfred shrugged, playing with a blade of grass absentmindedly, staring at his hands, "I'm actually kinda of nervous, like, my whole life's been leading up to this."

Dick shook his head, "You'll do fine, don't be nervous, the more nervous you are the more likely you are to fuck up," he chuckled softly, "it's happened to me..."

Alfred frowned softly, shaking his head and shifting slightly where he lay, kicking out his hind legs slightly, "Well... Part of what's making me nervous is, uh, how much I like you." He looked away, trying to hide the blush on his face, "Not that, like, I mean, I don't expect you to like me back."

Dick smiled, blushing slightly, he lifted himself to his feet, his full height only slightly taller than the centaur's when laying down, and he pulled him into a soft kiss.

"I do like you back," Dick said as he pulled away, leaving Alfred wide eyed and panting softly, "...but we both know it can't really work between us. You're great but," he shook his head slightly, smirking, "You're a horse..."

Alfred frowned, reaching up to pull him into another, deeper kiss, "...I'm not a horse, I'm not some animal Dick, I'm a centaur, I'm sentient, I have thoughts and feelings, and wants... I don't want to be with one of them," he gestured towards his herd, "I... I want to be with you."

Dick moved his hand to run it through Alfred's hair, exhaling softly and pressing his forehead against the centaur's. He looked in his eyes and gave a small nod, pushing forward to kiss him again, his fingers digging into Alfred's scalp as Dick felt him kiss back. Alfred moaned softly into his mouth, his hands trailing down dicks side and stopping at his waist.

"Uh..." he pulled away slightly, "s-sorry, I don't really know how humans uh, work down there..."

Dick smiled softly, pulling away and beginning to undo his belt, "Let me do it."

Alfred frowned as Dick exposed himself, "Woah, that's your cock," he held back a smirk, shaking his head slightly, "...I think I've got a little something on you," He lifted himself up onto his front legs, showing himself.

Dick frowned slightly at the sight, "Fuck, I, uh, shit you're really big..."

Alfred shrugged, pulling himself onto his feet, "Not really, I'm like... average at best really," he smiled softly, "You really think I'm that big?"

Dick nodded quickly, his eyes stuck on Alfred's length, "Yeah I fucking think you're that big." He shook his head, "I'm not going to be able to take you, no fucking way... That would need so much fucking lube."

The centaur smiled and nodded, biting his lip to hold back laughter. "Then maybe I could take you?" he leant forward, giving Dick a kiss and pawing down towards his crotch, his smile widening. He let out a snort and pulled away, beginning to laugh loudly, shaking his head and stamping a hoof on the floor.

"What are you laughing at?" Dick said loudly, gritting his teeth slightly and stowing himself back in his trousers.

"I-I can't even reach you, dude..." he shook his head, still smiling, "Oh God..." he let out another loud laugh, "Dude, I cant , I can't do this, it-its too funny."

Dick let out a chuckle, "...Yeah, it is a little ridiculous..." he huffed slightly, shaking his head again. "Perhaps we should just cuddle..?"


End file.
